Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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