The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
