Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
