About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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