i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
