But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
