i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
