I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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