It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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