You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
