So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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