If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
