Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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