do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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