I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
