Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
