Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
