Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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