Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
