just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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