That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All the doctor said was why
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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