I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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