It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
