Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize