I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
