the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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