Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
