I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
