im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
