flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
