if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
