your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize