the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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