Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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