Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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