What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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