Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
