I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
