I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
