how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
