a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
