I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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