My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
