My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
