He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
