I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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