Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
