Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
