i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
