; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
