I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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