everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
