I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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