So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
