I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
