she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No subtext here. People are naked.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
