It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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