this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
