I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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