Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
