dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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