I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
