it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
