She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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