Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
