Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
