I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize